Dear J
You carry your aching body bearing a radiant smile.
As if your happiness has already reached its climax but please sit and listen for a while.
This one’s for you J. This one’s for you.
You perform masculinity on an everyday basis
But I truly don’t know what it would take for you to face this
Spitting out the N word to whoever would hear it
even when I know subconsciously you fear it
You emasculate the first man to challenge you in this hyper masculine space
because your greatest fear, is the fear of being a disgrace.
Where the f word circulates more fluidly than an “I love you” Where tenderness has got to be hidden
Where your facade must be preserved at all costs because being gay is forbidden
Where your worth is equated to virility
but J, don’t be scared. just know, you can be real with me.
Other men find pride in putting on these masks: terrified of being laughed at
And you, you internalize all of this and you? You understand that
so you call any guy a bitch and any girl a bitch to affirm your masculinity
When all I’m asking, once again J, Please just be real with me.
You try to minimize the gap between your sexuality and theirs
your sexuality and theirs
yours and theirs
And that’s **
not fair.
And I know your secret
Because I felt your gaze the first day you saw me change my shirt
When it took every part of you to try not to flirt
and I feel myself speculating about you
and I have no right to
because your existence is not up for my speculation.
I just hate that you feel forced to put on this presentation.
You talk trash about these men, constantly involved in their business, you tell me their stories without telling me yours
And they don’t know anything about your universe
Your hopes and your dreams, or your parent’s divorce.
your lifestyle becomes your only pride
And I see you posting and posting and posting
posing and posing and posing
Posing in outfits that are costing you more than money
hiding behind your humor, oh that J? He’s funny!
simultaneously disguising you and defining you
Getting those virtual likes
while you cover up your pain by getting in fights
Just like in one of those songs that you’d play loud in your fancy car
to quiet your thoughts, when they travel too far
Too far from what you think is right
But J, none of life is black and white.
You turn up the volume on the songs that we have heard over and over
The songs that dictate our existence
how to walk
how to talk
how to be
how to breathe
And I know that you can be happy
I hope you believe in a better world
because I do
My brother from another.
A world where nobody has a right to tell you who to touch, and who to love
So please stop praying to be different to this god up above
because you’re here. You’re now. you’re alive in your skin
and you should be allowed to love the skin that you’re in.
Your life is yours and respected
Those who can’t accept you, deserve to be rejected
Because anyone who loves you will accept you and anyone who accepts you
will support you
I hope you believe me when I say this, it’s true.
I will use all the strength I have to love and protect you.
